The Meaning of Fear
by Breakingsunrise
Summary: The Meaning of Fear Their time on the island was wonderful. Edward made Bella feel so loved! Now he is letting his fear of her pregnancy cloud what should be a happy time! Picks up basically after the wedding. OOC, canon couples, AAU.


Disclaimer: Not ME!

Hello All, Here is something that hunted my mind for a couple weeks! Unbeta'd and I cant grauntee Updates but here it is!

Chapter 1

BPOV

We spent four wonderful months on Isle Esme. We made love on every surface which was easy considering he could suspend himself up on anything he wanted. He had a private cook come in twice a week and made me authentic Brazilian food.

It was Beautiful! He made me feel more loved then I love ever felt. The Island was so peaceful!

Toward the end of our four months things began to change for me. I wanted him so bad it would bring me to tears. He rarely denied me, only when he thought I was too tired and to suborn to admit so. I would get so hungry I would be nauseous and dizzy. I couldn't figure out what was wrong but I also wasn't ready to leave the island.

Once I started to actually vomit Edward put his foot down. It was after a crass comment I made about my period. He froze staring off into space for at least five minutes. His shock was beyond me until he spoke up.

_"Bella, Love you haven't had your…ahh... period since the first month we were on the island." I made a face. How many Husbands notice their wives periods. He's always seemed torn during my time of the month. Like he wanted to be closer but also was afraid to. Always so afraid._

_"Really? I hadn't noticed." I said as I did some mental math and figured out that he was right. I had my period two weeks after we got to the island, but it was very light. I won't be telling him that bit of information though._

_"Why do you think that is?" He asked barley hiding his suspicions. _

_"I don't know. Are you sure I can't get pregnant?" I said with a laugh. But the look on his face told me that he did not find my joke funny. "I don't know Edward, I haven't lost any anything I've gained weight..." The thought came from when he left me and I lost so much weight that I stopped getting my period. I shook the dark thought from my head. _

_"I am so happy that you could laugh at something as morbid as us not being able to have children." Officially making me feel like an ass. "I am going into the office to do some research on why this is happening." I nodded at his back as he walked away. _

_I must have feel asleep because when I woke it was dark outside and the house was completely silent. I stretched and found a folded up piece of paper with a short note on it. _

_Bella My love, _

_Making a quick run to the main land._

_ Be right Back._

_I love you, Edward. _

_I have no idea how long it had been since he left but I knew he was coming back. He has always come back. I went into the kitchen and gulped down a big glass of water. I was so thirsty! And hungry… I opened the refrigerator and the smell of left over dinner wafted up into my face. I gagged and barley made it to the sink. _

_I felt him holding my hair and as I stood up he passed me a towel to wipe my face. I walked in to the bathroom to brush my teeth and as he followed me he spoke._

_"Bella, I…I think…I think you may be pregnant." He took in my expression; A mix between horrified and shocked. "You've missed three periods now, been famished, and attacking me at every turn. Baby I brought a pregnancy test. Will you take it?" _

_After an immeasurable amount of time I nodded. I took the test and he slowly walked out of the Bathroom. _

_Positive._

Edward made us leave almost immediately, by the next morning my happy honey moon was ruined. Without many words to me he packed up all of our things and we came home.

Instead of the happy welcome I wished we would've received from my new in-laws. We were greeted with rushed whispers that I was not privy to be involved with.

Alice even kept her distance,hurting me more the she would expect. She would just rubbed her head every time I try to speak with her.

After our 16 hours of travel I wasn't up to argue about my lack of inclusion, so I just slept. When I awoke and ate, I was finally about to think. I went looking for my family around the house. It didn't take long to find my husband, His father figure, Mother figure and least favorite sister seated around the barley used dining room.

They were speaking in hushed quick tones. "Will some please let in on all the freaking whispers? Seriously, what the hell is everyone's problem?" I stood next to the table with my hands on my hips. My words were out of character but I meant them none the less.

"Bella…" Edward started but stopped and sighed heavily. "I can't… We cannot keep this... this… It. You cannot keep it, Bella. We don't know what could happen to you if you do. It could kill you." I was in shock, for some reason this was unexpected, though in hind sight It shouldn't have been. I knew that I couldn't have it all. Not me, Edward. In his mind and soul he thought, no, he knew he couldn't have it all and that has now transferred to me.

I sat in silent shock until Carlisle spoke. "Edward that was a passing thought and was not the sole option you have here. I know the unknown scares you son (_Always so scared) _but you have to think about this. Your human wife is close to four months pregnant with your child and nothing bad has happen. This whole situation is unprecedented and uncharted water. I think the best course of action would be to go see an OB. Maybe one a fair distance away in case they discover anything off. We can all hear their heartbeat and he or she sounds perfect."

They can hear the baby's heartbeat! I didn't have time to process that information before Edward interrupted him. "Yet! Something will happen Carlisle, It will and I can't let anything happen to her. I won't survive it."

"This is not about you Edward. This is a bout Bella, and she is doing quite well, not even having damn morning sickness." Rosalie Snapped and rolled her eyes at Edward. I wasn't surprised that she felt so strongly.

They were talking about me like I wasn't in the room. But couldn't careless because my husband, the love of my life, wanted to kill my baby! Our baby, I placed my hand on my non-existent dump protectively. I had to get out if the house. I had to get away from him! The thought broke my heart but I couldn't let anything happen to my child.

I stood and made my way toward the door but before I could cross the threshold Edward was blocking my way. "Bella, where are you going?"

I narrowed my eye as I responded "To the kitchen for a glass water…if I am allowed?" I spoke with fire aimed at him. He shrunk away moving quickly out of the way.

"I'm sorry" He mumbled under his breath; I could hear the heartbreak and guilt in his voice but I didn't care.

I walked into the kitchen and started the faucet. As it ran I went into the garage and jumped into my car. I pressed the push start and gunned it! As fast as I could I speed down the drive towards my Dad's house.

I could've sworn I saw something running alongside the vehicle but as fast as it was there it was gone. It went in and out of vision the entire ride there.

I walked into my Dad's home with tears running down my face. "Bella!" he hopped up out of his recliner when he saw me. "What happen? What did the mother fucker do?" It was a very rare occasion that he cursed.

I must've really looked upset! I didn't respond as I tried to catch my breath. "I am sorry dad! I just… I just needed to get away for a minute can I please stay here?"

"Of course Bella, will you please tell me what happen before I go get my shot gun? Did he cheat on you?" I shook my head and hiccupped. "Did he... he didn't raise his hand..."

I quickly interrupted him "He would never do that Dad! We got into a fight and I just need to be away from him right now." I lied. From his face I could tell that he didn't believe me but he could see how tired I was so he let me be. I hoped he would just let it go.

I went to my old room and fell almost immediately to sleep.

I was very dark in the early morning hours when I was awoken by beeping on my cell phone. It had been going off ever since I left but it stopped just long enough for me to go to sleep. I got out of bed to fine it hidden in the jeans I had been wearing. In my sleep induced haze I tried to read the screen.

4:30 am _Awesome!_

EC-"Can I please come lay with you Bella?" I signed heavily.

BC-"I am surprised you noticed I was gone. You are done making choices for me?"

EC-"I am so sorry Love! I can't stay away much longer. Please open your window before I break it."

BC-"So, once again it doesn't matter what I want. Are you going to be making choices for me for the rest of our lives? I thought you learned your lesson this that time you did that." I knew it was a low blow but he was pushing my patience. I needed space and these couple of hours wasn't enough time.

There was a low growl and commotion from under my window. When I went to look at out I saw Edward flanked by his brothers on either side of him. I opened it but put my hand up when it looked as though he thought it was an invitation.

"Why are you here? You don't want us so why are you here?" I whisper yelled.

"Why on earth would you think I don't want you?" He took a step closer and Emmet placed, what looked like, a warning hand on his shoulder. He stopped walking but kept talking," Bella Love, I love you! That's why I can't just sit by and let this thing kill you! Please Bella! Please don't do this! If you want babies we'll go to a fertility clinic." Emmett dropped his hand and head at his words.

I stared at him with rage in my eyes! "This THING! THING?" He and Jasper both flinched. "Our child is not a thing Edward and we will not be going to any clinic because I am having our child. I know you never thought this could happen, but it is and I am happy about it. Either you can change your attitude or I'll be raising your child alone."

I was livid and I was sure I'd wake up not only Charlie but our neighbors as well. I didn't care!

My words must've hit a nerve because his facial expression changed from agony to anger. He looked up at me with black eyes. "So, you're leaving me? Are you serious Bella?" He took a step closer and unsuccessfully tried to shake Emmett's hand off of him. "After all that we've been through. You knew we couldn't have children and you knew how much that hurt me to take away from you. Why are you changing now?"

"Because although I didn't 'want' this to happen per say, I am in love with this baby. Our baby, who will be both part you and part me. I am in love with the idea of carrying YOUR child knowing they were conceived though love." I closed my eyes as I spoke softly through sobs.

I felt his arms around me and I was too tired from your argument's to fight him off. "Love, there aren't any words that could communicate how much I would love for us to be able to have a child. A little girl with chocolate eyes and long brown hair. She would be clumsy but that's fine because I will never let her fall." He words made me cry even harder into his chest. "But Bella that is not an option for us. This child is half vampire and he or she will start to somehow feed off you. I can't let it happen. Please Bella please don't let it kill you." He was sobbing by the end of his statement.

I stepped back out of his arms and he let them fall to his sides. I placed my hands on his face and looked into his eyes. "Edward, I love you. I am having your child. It may kill me or it may not. We do not know what is going to happen but I decided a little over a year ago while riding back from Port Angeles that I didn't know the meaning of fear. "


End file.
